


where did you go?

by gracezodiac



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 05:59:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8477989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracezodiac/pseuds/gracezodiac
Summary: Ben and Armie are having a date night watching films, although Armie can't help but feel like something's missing.Namely his boyfriend.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hello my lovelies and welcome to angstnovember day 5 - 'missing you (when you were here)'
> 
> and so here i present a benarmie!
> 
> warnings: reference to manipulation and snoke generally being a creepy fucker
> 
> please leave comments if you can and i hope you enjoy!!

Date nights are supposed to be fun. And usually they were. Or at least, they used to be. But as they were now, Armie couldn't help but feel hollow and disappointed every time they came around.

 

They were laid across the sofa watching a movie at Ben's house, whilst his family was gone for the weekend. Ben's arms were wrapped securely around him, chest pressed against his back, and whilst he desperately wanted for that to make him feel safe, he just felt sick to his stomach.

 

Armie loved his boyfriend. He did, with all of his heart. Ben gave him hope, made him smile, was everything he could have dreamed of. He made him feel so sappy, it was so embarrassing, but somehow Ben made him feel as though it didn't matter. As long as they were together they could take on anything.

 

It had stopped feeling like that for a while now.

 

Ben had become withdrawn in the past few months. He snapped at his parents, which previously Armie had never seen him do. He had always been so close to his mother, and joked around with his dad all the time, but recently all Ben seemed to do was yell at them. And he wasn't as affectionate as he used to be; Armie remembered when he'd be stood talking to Phasma, only to have Ben run up behind him and throw his arms around his neck, kissing him on the cheek in lieu of a greeting. He'd send him good morning texts telling him how much he loved him and how beautiful and handsome he was.

 

These days Armie was lucky to get any sort of text at all.

 

It hurt a lot. Armie would go to hold Ben's hand, who would shrug it away and keep on walking. It was only times like these, when they were alone, that Ben would even touch him. It was such a contrast to how they used to be, Armie had never considered himself being a fan of PDA but it was so easy to forget with Ben, when he took Armie's hand and kissed it then kissed it again, and again until he was laughing and pulling him forward to kiss him properly.

 

Ben had barely spoken to him that evening. Armie wasn't even sure what film they were supposedly watching. He didn't want to move, didn't want to see Ben's face, because it wouldn't be Ben looking back at him. Just some void of the person he used to be.

 

He used to be so radiant and bright, full of light and love. He was everything to him.

 

And Armie knew who had destroyed that.

 

Snoke.

 

One of the creepy old teachers at their school, who'd started talking to Ben within the past year. Armie had never liked him, he'd had him for a class once and walked out feeling incredibly uneasy about the guy. But Ben had insisted he wasn't so bad, assured him that everything was fine.

 

It wasn't.

 

He'd tried to talk to Ben about it. He'd desperately begged him to stop talking to this guy, that he wasn't good for him, but Ben refused to listen. He'd either change topics or just start shouting. He stopped when he saw how upset it made Armie. He'd sigh, apologise, and they'd hug, and that would be it. But it wasn't okay, and at some point between their arguments, Armie had given up trying.

 

In fact the more he thought about it, the more he fought the urge to cry. He hated crying, it made his skin go blotchy and he always felt so pathetic, but it was happening more and more frequently these days – the last time had been when Ben had cancelled their date the other week for no discernible reason and told him to stop making such a big deal out of it. He wasn't sure how long he could keep going like this, seeing his boyfriend being changed and torn apart, fighting with him constantly, and feeling so inexplicably lonely. He wanted Ben back. He wanted to feel loved again.

 

The tears came out after that thought.

 

He tried to keep quiet, tried to stop himself from shaking so Ben wouldn't notice, but it was too late. He felt him shift to look at him, and in a panic he turned his head further away, not wanting to be seen like this.

 

“Armie?” Ben murmured, and he started crying harder, because it almost sounded like he _cared_.

 

Despite his best efforts to stay hidden, Armie felt himself being turned around in Ben's arms, so they were facing each other. He glanced upwards to see Ben looking at him confused and concerned, unsure as to why his boyfriend had just started crying, since it wasn't a sad film they'd put on.

 

“What's wrong?” He asked, and that only made things worse. How could Armie tell him? How was he supposed to say that Ben was what's wrong, that the boy he's in love with didn't seem to exist anymore, and he wasn't sure there was any way of bringing him back?

 

“I miss you.” He blurted out in the end, shaking and trying to keep in his sobs. Ben just looked even more confused, and wiped away some of the tears away from his cheeks with his thumbs. “But I'm right here? I'm here Armie.”

 

Ben pulled him into an embrace, and Armie clung on as tightly as he could, now crying into his shoulder. _No you're not_ , he thought as he clenched his fists in Ben's shirt, _you're not here. Come back to me. Please_.

 

They stayed like that for a while, with Ben shushing him and rubbing his back in an attempt to comfort him. It was so much like he used to be that Hux wondered if he'd finally come back to him. But that was impossible. Ben Solo was lost to him, and Armie wasn't sure he was ever going to get him back.

 

**Author's Note:**

> he still loves you armie, he's just as scared. don't give up yet my children
> 
> as always you can find me at [skywalkeraesthetics](http://www.skywalkeraesthetics.tumblr.com)


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